Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
