i think my mom watched the whole time
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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