Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.