Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running