Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
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In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY