we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod