Texts From Last Night

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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?

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  (620): Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair? http://tfl.nu/bhha
  Replies (42) Good night (3247) Bad night (775)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.

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  (503): I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me. http://tfl.nu/a7z0
  Replies (31) Good night (2868) Bad night (1460)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes

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  (316): i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes http://tfl.nu/q5w9
  Replies (25) Good night (5509) Bad night (1643)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.

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  (847): Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels. http://tfl.nu/hv8u
  Replies (13) Good night (7114) Bad night (1120)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007

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  (443): i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007 http://tfl.nu/tyl3
  Replies (19) Good night (6638) Bad night (1552)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.

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  (757): yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd. http://tfl.nu/nagb
  Replies (13) Good night (3507) Bad night (1018)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.

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  (620): we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can. http://tfl.nu/vk8s
  Replies (5) Good night (1023) Bad night (4288)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.

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  (954): I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate. http://tfl.nu/yurv
  Replies (9) Good night (3753) Bad night (708)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.

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  (518): I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it. http://tfl.nu/z92x
  Replies (8) Good night (2415) Bad night (522)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.

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  (516): I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents. http://tfl.nu/ifal
  Replies (2) Good night (420) Bad night (1642)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have a surprise for you guys

  (937): View more from Ohio

  What is it?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS

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  (740): I have a surprise for you guys (937): What is it? (740): A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS http://tfl.nu/bt31
  Replies (21) Good night (4016) Bad night (565)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.

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  (734): Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life. http://tfl.nu/cgob
  Replies (3) Good night (1519) Bad night (360)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity

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  (313): Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity http://tfl.nu/jv85
  Replies (4) Good night (690) Bad night (374)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here

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  (618): Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here http://tfl.nu/y9wz
  Replies (6) Good night (465) Bad night (258)
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  (458): View more from Oregon

  I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.

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  (458): I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables. http://tfl.nu/1kx8
  Replies (0) Good night (732) Bad night (187)

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