Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
