I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
