I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
