xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
