so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
