I wish life had little blips of pornography
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize