How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
