I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
