The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have fence marks all over my body
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
