apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
