If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
