I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
