Cold hands, warm shart.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
