dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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