I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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