I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
