I must be too annoying 4 u.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
