Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just pee around me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
