help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
