What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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