It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
