His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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