We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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