Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
