You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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