you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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