Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
