i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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