I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
