its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
