if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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