you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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