Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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