I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
