Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
