Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
