in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
