Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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