Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
