Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
