Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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