Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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