Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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