SEEEEXXX PLEASE
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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