What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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