he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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