Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I supernannyed him into submission
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
