Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
