How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
