oh god the rape fog is back!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
