I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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