I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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