Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
