Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
