Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
