we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
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