He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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