You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
