The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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