I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
