I'm so fucking centered right now
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize