wake up i wanna do it froggy style
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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