walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
