My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
