So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize