she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
